My use of Motivations and Tracy Chapman 5 Languages of Love
I am a firm believer in motivations. One of the positive affirmation models i used is Tracy Chapman discussed at length the 5 languages of love.
Touch Points of Love
How do you raise a loving child?
- The parent/ guardian /caregiver must choose to love the child unconditionally
- The child is able to feel the love through the way he/she values it most
Expressions of Love
- Physically (Through touch)
- Time (Investing in quality time to build rapport, trust and confidence)
Characteristics of Man with regards to love
-Man has capacity to feel love
-Man has capacity to communicate love
Touch points of Love
-Different people feels appreciated in different ways. Learn to show love in the way the other party may feel it.
1.Words of Encouragement
Take time to praise a child, using good, better and best context instead of “You can do better” mentality. Praise the efforts and process and willingness to do it.
Eg, Praise neat handwriting, good personal grooming, good listening and paying attention. The use of good boy or girl is quite meaningless as it does not specify which aspect is good.
2.Acts of Service
Make an effort to do something for the ones you love. Some ladies may not like handling rubbish or cleaning the toilets, thus, they feel good when their spouse takes the initiatives to do it.
Eg Cooking for someone you love, doing the laundry or cleaning the washroom
A small gift or token need not be expensive. People feel good if you remember the type of sweet they like, a book they mentioned they want but could not find the time to buy. It is always the little things that makes people feel love, not the cost.
Eg. Stationary, sweets/ cookies/dessert
4.Quality Time Together
Make time to enjoy each other’s company on a regular basis.
Eg. It may be by talking to each other on a couch, or taking walks in the park. Avoid watching movies or other activities that may distract you from each other and focusing on the activities instead.
5.Physical Touch and Closeness
Learn that love is not lustful, but communicating affection. Sometimes a simple hug, or holding of hands communicates comfort.
Eg. A pat on the shoulder, or a short light kneading on the shoulders
I believer I am an overachiever. While in Singtel mobile last time, my role as an optimiser means trying to maximise the radio frequency of hardware and software to ground condition and people behaviour. OPTIMISE, MAXIMISE along the way leads to lack of rest and more downtime.
My doctor keeps reminding me, “Andy, learn to stop and smell the roses. You are pushing your body too much”. I need to learn to let go, that sometimes without me, there may be no impact, that life goes on, and I must learn to depend on the sovereign will of God.
Exercise, rest and sleep are important components of life. Let us not be slaves to work. Cheers…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzz……help…I am losing to the zzzzz monster…..AAArrrrrggghhhh….
BF Skinner was a behaviourist who carried out an experiment that rewards rats with food if it does a certain behaviour.
When children in my workplace or my own kids does well, I praise their behaviour with “Good LISTENING” or “Good Keeping toys and Books”. If a child is rewarded with something concrete, such as toys or computer time, there is an association with reward, not responsibilities. “Mr Ang,if I do my part, can I have computer time?”. “No, it is a responsibility, not a barter”.When children are given various types of rewards, such as mobile phones, laptops, they start bargaining for more expensive things in exchange for doing chores or studies. I believe gifts are for birthdays and special occassions. Bribery will corrupt in both short and long term.
An adverse use is when Singapore has the youth olympics. We are told our drivers are gracious to give way to the Youth Olympics buses carrying athletes. However, the drivers are more concerned with the heavy fined slapped on them when the video cameras on these busses take photos of cars that do not give way.
Purposed to understand choice consequences and responsibilities. Briberies and threats are short term tools, and may have more harm than good in long term. Appropriate encouragement or punishment for different ages will do a better job. Shalom.
Saying sorry is a difficult thing for me. I believe lying is not tough, but saying sorry and meaning it is tough. It is a tough dent on pride.When there are quarrels with my wife or my siblings, and I am wrong, I reflect. It is easier to say sorry on the next day then 2 weeks down the road. Apologizing, making a commitment not to repeat the mistake will help to heal the wounds and close the episode. Buying chocolates and flowers, doing household chores will sugar coat, but the hurtful episode will not close, just a delayed fuse that will surface when the next conflict arises.
Tonight, I need to say sorry to my 5 year old daughter, as I have scolded her for something not her fault. There is no easy way. Just hoping she will forgive me and we move on.
What is holistic education? Sometimes, overimprovement will cause harm. A chef is the best person to cook food. A doctor is the best person to understand and diagnose symptoms. Who can do better in education? A trained educator or text book based teacher? Teach less, learn more? Thus, why is Singapore having so much issue with education? Parents are doing so because of two things. I for one have this lack of confidence. Education is now touted not by educators and not child appropriate. It is something like getting a child who can run 2.4km to run 20km. Early intervention will lead to higher intelligence but not higher maturity. There is lack of evidence to be conclusive in holistic education, and my personal belief is that it is partly why parents feel stressed, and may not want to give birth more. The issue in Singapore is the environment is not conducive on ground level, but on paper it is perfect. I was teaching a P6 mathematics yesterday and even for an ex-engineer, it took me half and hour to solve one question. Probably some of this people need to check are the things child appropriate or are we teaching P6 with equivalent of sec 2 last time? Sigh…..sooooo sad…..humbug to “holistic education”…function(substance) and form….haiz…
Clearing off the mess from the fumigation. Because the bedbugs and the eggs are so small, yet to fully see the yield.However, sadly, found a few dead adult and kid lizards. I do not consider lizards as pest, as they help to control population of insects. In life, when we need to destroy some villians, some good guys may need to be sacrificed as well…sigh…
Parenting is a package. There are good times and bad times. These times refer to periods and milestones. There will be crisis in careers, moods or medical etc that could affect marriage and also parenting. I have chosen to include something of a taboo, whereby when husbands and wives divorce, the courts may/ may not allow visitation rights. This affects all parties, the father, mother and child(ren). The best and long term solution is not to be divorce. But if cannot be avoided, I know it is painful when there is a parting of ways. Even during reservists, I will take out family photos to see my wife and kids. It is beyond physical attachment, but mental and emotional as well, like an invisible umblical cord. Be wise and sensitive, do not badmouth the other parent, and when the hurt parent forgives, he/she is relieved of the pain of remembering the pain. Reflect, review, renew. Shalom.
Do it right or do it again (Repetition is the Key to mastery)
Whenever we want to conduct a lesson, we need to define Primary Objective and/or Primary Objectives. When I teach my 5 year old daughter addition, I want to match it to her level, thus probably 10 repetitions of 1 digit + 1 digit.
1. 1 + 1= ____
2. 2 + 1= ____
If she does right, we will end that lesson in 10-15 mins because I filter warm up (transition time) and also on seat behaviour and attention span.If she does wrong, I will ask her to erase and either use fingers to illustrate counting.
When I teach my p2s 2 digits multiply by 2 digits, it takes about 1 to 4 weeks, depending on timetable competancy and also practice. 1 girl is competant in 1 week, another took 1 month. If she does right, I hope it is intgo her long term memory. She will find that if she does well, i will not extend the lessons or give her more homework.
My P6s are the killers in both logic in Mathematics and Science. We go through Maths Olympiads, Andrew Ers and Simon Elio series, we went into non-routine and ranger training into past years papers such as Raffles Girls and Rosythe. There is brainstorming at nights tuitions and the kids and me sleep past 1pm, mostly because our mind are so intense with thinking that we cannot slow down suddenly, we need to slow down and distract with other activities.
Do it right, or do it again. Repetition is the key to mastery.
I used to read magazines, hardcovers, books and newspapers. Nowadays, I go online, whether using laptop, smartphones to access MSN, Asia1 or BBC. Whether Print media or electronic media, the underlying focus is to read news, gather information with what is happening.
I believe we should not be slaves to any devices or objects. I moderate the amount of TV and computer time for my kids. It is neccessary.
When I see kids nowadays, I see anything and everything online or experiential. They do not repeat much, do not reflect and focus, and this affects beyond attention span. We are robbing them of the function of deep thinking.
Whenever possible, go into the sun, have quantitative face time with your friends and family, good food and rest. Moderate the need for mobile computing and wireless applications.
IT(information Technology) draws strangers together, and draws families apart. Reflect, review, renew.
When the IT was started, there was worry over its uses and dangers. The convergence of IT and coomunications in mobile technology has brought both useful and dangerous applications. When watching television and the Internet, the surge of information, campaigns has brough so much knowledge that it could lead to money making opportunities, free samples, but also lead to “Supercharge kids”, widespread pornography and even addictions and depression.
I believe my kids are watching me. Though they cannot verbally articulate, they will imitate my actions. I have made some plans to reduce my laptop home. Time on the computer should not be 20% of work time. Lastly, I try not to be distracted by calls of passive incomes and reading the news too much. Each person can die of 1 cause. With the permutations of HFMD, the coming of NDM-1, my only defense is a strong immunity by adequate exercise, rest and nutrition for the body, family time interactions and spiritual rest. The talks by leaders flying all over the globe to campaign, the environmentalists and the latest IPAD or IPOD has little improvements over my life. Lets use the KISS principle. Keep it simple, stupid…